I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
