I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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