Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
