you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
