D3 body, D1 cock
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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