bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
