Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
