If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
