Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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