were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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