I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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