I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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