I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
