i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
