dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let's paint friendship bongs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
