You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
