I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
