the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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