My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
