I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
