Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
