Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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