I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
