you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
