woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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