I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
