Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
