you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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