She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
