before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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