Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
