morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
