what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
