Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
