the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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