Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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