I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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