i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
