oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
