This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
