The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
