Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
