and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
