Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This baby is an asshole
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
