you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
