I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
