I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
