Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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