who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
