You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
