I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
ugly people sure do ruin things
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
