we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is Oprah even human
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
