I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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