The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
