did you get engaged???
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
